There's a whirling dervish in my head

My brain is on a tilt a whirl and I'm not sure if I want to get off or stay on. School has always been my safety net, a retreat from the messy complexities of family. I don't know why I can't disentangle myself from their dependency, manipulations, and narcissistic sociopathy. Why I am compelled to listen to the loud cacophony of nonsensical self loathing of ego on a Naploeonic scale. I just want to hide to escape the barrage of lies thrown at me like unaimed gunshots, seeing which one I will believe. Buried beneath it all is the truth.