Help or Hinderance?

So many times in life I just float going with the tide that drags me along. I close my eyes to the passing humanity and silently hope someone else will help, terrorized I need to keep gliding forward anesthetized with anti-depressants and wine. So many funerals, so many losses I continue as one of  the fortunate who keeps moving .

Perhaps endings are the motivation to begin again. I am insulated in my cocoon of mediocrity safely nestled in routine. I need to change, to feel necessary, to be necessary. I am unsure what path to take.  It is time to shed the layers of my bundled refuge. No more talking, circular thinking, empty flasks, passive hours watching high definition trash lulling my spirit into limbo.

Where to start, at my beginning, my family? Is my protective cover an excuse or another compulsion? Can I continue to coddle and nurse the fragile egos of my siblings? I need to go beyond this insular mission that will never reach completion. I bid farewell to those that are unwilling to help themselves, content to live in an angry negative cave of blame.

I see the door of opportunity, of hope and it is beyond the narrow road I have been following. I  run silently into the air.