Snow Light

When I allow myself to really listen to life I have found extraordinary peace in seemingly ordinary times. So special I stop and speak to my brain “Remember this always. Don’t ever forget this moment.” The image remains in my library filed under, when needed. I open it when the fog, and the fear, and the weariness threaten to turn off the light.

It was January, cold with a light snow falling. I had been with my mother in the hospital for the last twenty hours, sitting in a metal chair, listening to my mother’s struggled breath. Someone from the family would with be with her during her stay as she required help to even sit up. It had been necessary to repeat over and over to the medical staff. “No, she is not paralyzed, she had polio and her muscles have atrophied. She cannot walk to the bathroom, pick her ass up over the hard plastic pan, or lift her arms to get things from her tray.” It was an honor to help her, but it would leave me exhausted and empty.

My aunt came to sit with her sister so my husband picked me up. We stopped by the city’s make shift ice rink to gather up our children. The boys were sitting on the bench putting on their shoes. Joules was skating. It was dark save for a lone street light illuminating her and the falling white flakes.

This snow globe of life encircled me and all the sad left my heavy spirit, gone, though fat tears still hung on my eyelashes.

I can still see her dancing in the moonlight, flying on her skates of hope.

Just me and My Dad

When I was four or five, my mother sent me to the store with my dad. We didn’t go to the store, but to a most wondrous place. A place I did not even know existed. It was a bowling alley. It was noisy and smelly. There was a thick layer of smoke, but from cigarettes not a wood stove. I sat at a table with my dad and two other men who were smoking, laughing, and drinking big mugs of frothy beer. They patted me on the head and said I was a cute little gal. My dad gave me two packs of gum in green wrapping. I could hear the commercial in my head.
"Double your pleasure, and double your fun. It’s two, two, two mints in one." A lady with big hair brought me a large orange pop with a straw. It was like in a movie. I could feel the happiness down to my toes.

We left an hour or two later with my packs of gums gripped firmly in my hand. My dad didn’t really talk much,but said that he needed to check the crops at the Forty. I was just fine with that. I did not want to share the gum with my brothers. My dad parked our beast of a car in the field. He wandered out looked at the land with a brown paper sack under his arm and said he was tired and was going to take a short nap. He told me to play near him and be good. He tipped the bag to his mouth a few times and then laid it down. He quickly fell asleep under a large Maple Tree. I sat a few feet away in the plowed dirt sifting it through my fingers hoping to find a pretty rock. I don’t know how long we were there. After awhile I moved toward the grass lined hedge row and slept too. Sometime later my dad woke me up and said it was time to go home. I was thirsty and had to pee bad from all that soda. I ran to the car.

I knew my mom was very angry when we walked in the house. Her eyes were dark and she was not smiling. I went in the bathroom. I could hear loud talking through the door. I waited for a silence, maybe my dad went to bed. I scurried out, not looking up and went directly to my bed. I didn’t get a drink or supper and I didn’t care. I put the pillow on my head so I couldn’t hear the yelling. I opened my hand and looked down at my emerald treasure and smiled. We had an adventure, just me and my dad.