Hospital Holiday

I feel my head tilting forward and my eyes blur. Sleep is fighting with me, unconcerned that I sit in this small public restroom, footsteps away from a large contingent of shoppers. I start to dream, leaving is what I call it, as I sit on the porcelain chair. I awaken minutes, seconds, later with subtracted time and the bright dream,forgotten. I smile at the absurdity, still peeing a weak yellow stream. I'm glad I haven't urinated on myself, also glad I keep a complete change of clothes with me if I do. It is the irony of having a mostly invisible disorder. I am not climactic in my episodes, unless you equate bodily functions with drama. Sleeping and clenching my mouth like a self-involved bovine is just uninteresting. I struggle with the thought that I have invented this neurological handbag of symptoms. I imagine the doctors assigned to my neurosis are not amused. Their child-like faces scowling at the wasted resources on middle-age mediocrity.

I hope my self-deprecating personality will placate them as they scribble blandly in a virtual notebook: Diagnosis - Slight neurological irregularities, unknown origin, mild to moderate brain atrophy, probable congenital or birth trauma. More tests needed to assign physiological or psychological manifestations of symptoms.
TOO MUCH STOP!
I can't bear the quiet and my voice charges in."Did I tell you about the bear, red birds, smoking children on a rug?" Did I mention the auditory ghosts, phones ringing, cats yowling, and when I think babies are crying I lactate, but only on one side. I really don't know if I'm sleeping or it is a seizure, seems like sleeping...they stop writing and look up. "I'll refer you."

The beginning of my summer vacation will be a hypochondriac's dream, inpatient at the University of Michigan EEG/Video Monitoring Unit. My biggest fear is nothing will show up, Thankfully,I will still be a narcoleptic. I did great on the sleeping test! What makes me grateful that I have a name for my Rip Van Winkle tendencies, validation? I have had a positive EEG, that sent me on a schizophrenic journey of anti-seizure drugs, but my normal tests are overwhelming, taxing the computer system, contrast brain and occipital lobe MRI's, heart monitors, heart catherization, gastric ultrasounds, colonoscopies, blood work, an entire episode of House recorded in my file.

I am excited for this medical mecca, constrained to a single room with wires attached to my head. My books are piled waiting to be read, multicolor yarn whispering, take me with you, whole seasons of uninterrupted TV to watch, sweet bliss.